when all my life is falling apart

Posted on November 7, 2008 by anna-jun.
Categories: Uncategorized.

I am worried about my exam , I know for sure that I will screw up this semester, and job market is really bad this time. And since I was busy working and handling my depression, I have no time to study and do my final year project. … so in conclusion, I think I do nothing this whole semester… What am I going to do after graduation? I need a lot of money , and even more now since I have a dog. And after graduation, I can’t keep on relying on my parents money.

For the first time of my life I am really worried about my financial condition all the time. And I feel like I have no back up plan at all. I can’t seem to concentrate very well on my study, yet I am worried , will I fail this sem? What is going to happen if I fail any subject? I might not be able to graduate second upper.

These thoughts make me really frustated. haizzz…. maybe I should just ask someone else to take care of Abbie and kill myself.

My Personality Type

Posted on by anna-jun.
Categories: Uncategorized.

Click to view my Personality Profile page

Life is good , Life is bad

Posted on by anna-jun.
Categories: Uncategorized.

An austrian philosopher once said that
words become meaningful because our brain associates the word to another word, or image , or shape.

Likewise, many things in life become meaningful because we associates other things to it.

They said that human brain creates association like pathway ,
and as time goes by , the pathway that is frequently used will be more accessible,
and the pathway that is never been used will extinct.

When we are born , we don’t associate things with good and bad.
Everything in life is just thing , and event.

Like my puppy abbie. She doesn’t think that biting newspaper is bad,
biting bone is good, biting mommy hands is a terrible mistake.
she doesn’t know that mommy is hurt when she is bleeding or crying,
and mommy is happy when laughing and hugging abbie.

As times goes by , I create association in her brain by repeating the same word.
“Good Girl” as a sign of approval , and “Bad Girl” as a sign of disagreement.
then she learn to associates her activities with the my value and rule.

Think about it.

Who taught us that university is good , smoking is bad?
church is good , and casino is bad?
slim is good and fat is bad?
Who taught us to create association?
Who taught us who is smart , who is kind , who is beautiful , who is rich?
Who creates those association in our brain?

Have you ever wonder why people who hang out together tend to behave in similar manner?
Do you really believe that there is ultimate truth in life?
Do you really think bad people are bad and good people are good?
How do we come to associate adjectives ,words that are very abstract, with so many things in life?
How do we come to judge people using that adjective?

Whose rule and values are there in our mind at all time , telling us what to do and what not to do?

We are told to see what we see now, to live the life we live now ,to think the way we think now.

But what , who ,why , is the meaning of all this words and associations?

What is even the meaning of what?