I come to wonder whether my baby abbie loves me…
Suddenly I remember one psychology article that said that lonely people tend perform anthromosphism.
In easier languange , it means lonely people tend to associate human characteristic with non-human creatures and beings.
Then I come to think about those people who wrote Chobits manga , and made the movie AI…
Are people getting too lonely?
Well I almost sure when I touch her and said that I love her… she does kinda understand and respond..
and I have never seen anyone.. or anything so happy to see me before.
I used to think that because I keep on giving her food.. so she thinks anna equals food.
But nowadays she likes being hugged and touched more than fed.
sometimes when she is eating , she will stop and jump to my chair just so that I will touch her…
So can I assume that she loves me?
Is love really a human feeling and characteristic?
Am I too lonely that I started to believe my dog has similar mental and emotional capability as human?
But then… how can I assume my mother loves me?
She never jumps in joy when she sees me.. She never wait for me in front of the house door.
I just assume that she does have the same feelings as me because we are human beings.
Yet love, anger , hatred , envy, jealousy and other kind of emotion differ in individual.
My love for my sister is not the same as my bestfriend’s love to hers.
Now how about God…?
God is another non-human being. Whereas love .. supposedly .. is a human characteristic.
So are those believing that God loves them are lonely people?
How can I assume that God loves me? It’s not like He is jumping in joy when He sees me … or He has the feeling inside His chest.
God might not even have chest.
But I do believe that He loves me …. or at least I assume that He does…
am I lonely?
Tricky tricky…
So do you think that animals and other non-human beings have the capability to love?
Or do you believe that anything, or anyone , human or non-human ,really have the capability to love at all?
really really…
Candlelight diner can be really cheap.
you can get ice cream brownie for 2.50 and the nicest butter naan in Singapore for 1 dolar.
and its romantic here….its full of trees , water, garden …
you should try to go to South Spine rooftop at night… it is better than Jewel Box, and its free!
You can try romantic picnic at Yunnan garden, but beware of insect bites….
My favourite place is the waterspring in front of LT1…. I used to pass that place at 9.30 pm after finance lecture by Prof Bobby.
And you can watch movie for free!
Just download and watch in PC,
or if you are daring enough , plug it in in tutorial room or LT.
The sound system is so good! And the room is only for the two of you..
of crozz … provided the security guards dun come to scold you.
And if your date is a geek… LWN library really provides everything from Computational Intelligent to Gone with the wind….
HSS library even have “Like water for chocolate” movie on its media section!
Cool huh?
It’s funny that when something is going to end ,
I start to think about how it started.
Nowadays … on my last semester at NTU , I started to think about my first semester.
I still remember entering NTU gates with my parents.
The first food I bought in NTU was chicken rice from canteen A.
I still remember travelling all the way from hall 2 and spent most of my exam period studying in hall 14 and 15 lounge on my first year…
and I still wear Giordano 10 dolars shirt + jeans + sport shoes everyday.
Getting ECA points was so difficult that I did everything that I can from distributing fliers to selling donation cards in the street to get a room.
When I look back I was amazed on how much things have changed… how much I have changed.
I literally grew up in NTU.
I learn more in four years than what I learn in the past 18 years.
It was a bittersweet lesson about forgiving , accepting , and how to cherish and let go.
A lesson about friendship and love, how fragile they are , but how much we need them to survive…
But sometimes… I still wish that I could wake up in my home room and realized that this all is just a prolonged dream.
I wish I could one more chance to do the past three years journey again…I wish I could change bit by bit here and there.
Then maybe… If I were not that immature and childish…
maybe I could spare some heartache and walk this path with a better way..
Well… life always works in a magical way…
and in one way and another I am glad that I choosed the path I walked…
It’s true that it is what makes me who I am today..
I guess my university life taught me more than Java Programming ^ ^
I want to go back indonesia and not working in singapore , really..
but then it means that dad has to pay the tuition grant.
Even though he said that it was his obligation to pay for my school fee..
and he is okay with paying….
I feel guilty to the fact that he has to pay so much money for me..
I could not stop thinking that I am wasting my parents’ money.
So maybe I should work in singapore….
but its kinda difficult to find a job nowadays specially my grades are really bad,
the economy is bad
and I don’t really have any outstanding achievement.
haizz…..
suddenly I feel that I am really useless… stupid stupid me….
all i can do is waste money and talk crap hahahaaa… ^ ^
So what are you guys going to do after graduation?
Its been a while … I already forget how it feels to eat alone…
In fact I forget how to eat alone… or how to walk and shop alone…
the sad thing is… I started to forget how it feels to be alone and not to have someone around me telling me that I am loved . How miserable was I then!
I forget how it feels not to have a prince charming who always there to take care of me and save me.
I started to think that I am strong , and I don’t need this…It seems easy.
Its not.
There will always be moment when people start to take others for granted because they are always around. And its easy not to be thankful for friends , lovers , attention and affection.. until one time something reminds of that petrifying lonely feelings.
I almost forget how depressed I was before I had my boyfriend, my friends , and my dog.
How foolish.
Since I didn’t study at all last semester and was doing part time job,
buying a dog , joining a pageant competition,
and busy dating my dear dear alvin…
as expected.. my grades was really bad.
my cgpa is now down to 3.96!
I am no longer second upper , yayy!
The good thing is , even if I got C for all my subject this sem ,
I will still get second lower!
and practically… there is very little hope that I got 4.2 for this semester
since I didn’t do anything for my FYP for the whole semester.
In other words… I can just play the whole semester and not caring about studying!
yayyyy!~
Well i mean… i got 3.9 after not studying at all , if i study seriously…
I might just get 4…
I don’t feel like studying hard just to get 0.1 more…
I’d rather take my little dog for a walk and go shopping.
Lalalaaaa….~~
