I remember during my high school I decided to take a drawing class.
On my first day , to my surprise ,all my class mates are primary school and kindergarten students .
And since they had been there for a long time , they were certainly better than me.
I was so embarrased and decided to quit.
But when I walk out of the door , my teacher said
“You can walk out the door because you are embarrased ,
or you can handle your own feeling and come back to learn.
The moment you decided to retreat .. you will learn nothing . Your own insecurity and pride defeated your passion to learn.
On the other hand , if you challange yourself and come back , not only you’ll learn how to draw , but you will also learn how to defeat yourself ,be humble,
and learn from others who are most unlikely to teach you.
It’s really up to you.”
I come back the next week , and take up the course for almost one year.
And I get uset to asking the primary school kids to teach me how to sketch and use oil colors.
How many times in our lifes our insecurity and pride defeated us in taking up opportunity and doing the right thing?
I remember on one day , I was sitting in a couch , crying while talking to my counselor.
I told her that it is very difficult for me to deal with insecurity,
I always feel threatened by everyone around me.
Many times I ask myself , am I better than them?
If the answer is no, the feeling of insecurity will creep through my heart ,
and turn it bitter. For me , the whole world seems like a competition stage.
I wanted to change and be able to walk down the street
and stop seeing others as competitors.
I wanted to establish an identity which can not be taken.
I promise myself that someday I will be able to stand up on my own ,
and irregardless or what other people think of me ,
or my superficial qualities , I know I am content and loved.
Here what she said to me:
“Well people do feel insecure sometimes..
I do feel insecure about my life in times. I look at my friends and think that they might be earning more money than me.
But after a while , I remind myself that I am feeling insecure and try to chase away the insecurity.
Many times when we see only the small picture , we tend to place ourselves in certain level . And it makes us prone to insecurity because there will always be people at the higher level.
But what we need to know is that social level emerge due to our contribution to it.
Each and every one of us play a role and contribute to the way the world is today.
If you are able to see yourself as a part of a bigger picture ,
you will be able to play your part willingly . Even though sometimes
your part require giving up your ego for bigger purpose.”
Let us play our part in society and do what it takes.
I am content and loved.
