I wonder why my dog abbie always start to open her mouth and put on the
“smiling dog” expression everytime I hug her.
Is it a coincidence?
Is it because it is hot when I hug her so she run out of breath?
Or is it because she feel the same warmth I feel inside my chest?
Is the warm feeling love?
Yet I rarely have this kind of feelings towards human beings or anything else…
Can love be felt mutually without any communication just like that?
Or is it just connection between dogs and their owners?
Isn’t it amazing?
I am really not proud of what I did and who I were in the past.
Nevertheless ,
the fact that I can look back and realize the mistakes I made
implies that I am evolving.
Back then , I used to running around at the wrong track and desperately looking for an identity.
I was lost, I have always disliked myself and think that I don’t deserve to be loved.
I grew wary when people treat me nice and reject every affectionate gestures…
I’d rather be the one who give … because it put me at ease thinking that if people owe me something…
they might learn to like me ,
and I might one day learn to like myself… if people like me.
My whole life has always been a battle between me and myself.
At least for now , I know who I am, what I am capable of doing and what I don’t,
and who I want to be.
Thus there is a slight hope that five years down the road ,
I might look into myself and see the person whom I want to see.
For now , I guess… it is good enough that I have stopped condemning myself..
and one day I might really learn to accept myself and be content.
And at least, now I know that I deserve to be happy.
